11/14/16
Ember Mabelle
Age 16
Day 5855
Day 11
I don’t know what to do. they’re trying to control me, but I don’t want to let them. The only way I can express myself is through these, my journal entries, and my sister, Sage. But she will only be here for another 16 days. What will I do then? What will I do when the program we’re so very used to decides to change my life for the “better”? I’m in the Assignment system now, day 11. I’m officially of the age vulnerable to be pulled into any life of the Assignment’s choosing. They haven’t Assignment Cropped me yet, but they will.
Will is hoping they’ll Assignment Crop me to marry him, but I’m not too sure. Either way, I don’t want to just live with my Assignment Crop. I know it’s horrible to Assert because they’re violent, cruel and cannot be trusted, but they’ve got one thing right: the Assignment is an appalling system that must be taken down. My mother argues that it’s better than the Communism ways people used to use, but I argue that the Assignment is still unpardonable. Yes, they teach us. Yes, they keep an organized colony out of poverty and into riches. Yes, they still grant a few basic freedoms. I can speak against the Assignment whenever I want to, or protest like the Assertions do. I could rebel against the program and submit to a quick death.
But I can’t leave. I’ll never be able to leave.
The Assignment isn’t foolish. They allow us to know that there are other civilizations out there, but we don’t speak of them much. Many argue that our colony is larger and more prosperous than any of the others, so why leave? I remember from when I was in school that they’d show us videos of the poor citizens in other colonies struggling just to survive. Some are homeless, some are changed to be completely artificial, ruining the natural man, and some are addicted to all sorts of electricity-run objects.
Even there they have revolts. Some are even crueler than the Assertions. People are slaughtered every day. Even regular citizens assault, steal and kill.
It makes me wonder if I should just go along with the Assignments plans for me when I get them. There may never be a better option. Maybe I’ll be happy wherever in the colony they take me. With a cropped house, a cropped job, cropped meals, a cropped husband. . .
Will tells me it will be okay because they take your interests to heart. That there are trained professionals that pick your life for you. All I have to do is sit along for the ride.
Sage tells me that she’ll never feel truly at peace with the program. She said that she doesn’t know how to rebel without becoming someone she doesn’t want to be. She doesn’t want to Assert into anger and brutality, so she’s taking the only other path at her feet. Compliance.
I relate to her more than Will, but they both make sense. I just don’t know how to do what my sister can’t. I don’t know how to create another option for myself.
I’m tired. I need to stop thinking about this because my head hurts.
Signing off until tomorrow where I’m sure another rant will take place.
Thank you, journal, for listening.
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